God, the Third Wheel

My friend Lana asks, "Why does theology effect how we relate to each other?"  Between my experiences as a Christian and now as an atheist, my thoughts head in two directions on this question.  First, I believe there will always be an inherently selfish component to Christianity.  And second, one's perceptions of God operate as a sort of third wheel in relationships.

This is how I responded to Lana's thought-provoking question:

I think theology matters in how one views people because there is a selfish element to any orthodox theological position. The focus on heaven and the afterlife is, itself selfish. This comes into play in one’s relationship with others in multiple ways. In Catholicism, for example, works of mercy are an important part of the salvation process. Helping someone out, isn’t done out of a pure love for humanity or the well-being of the other person, but it is done, at least in part, to gain eternal rewards by bringing oneself closer to God. In evangelical branches of Christianity, witnessing to the “lost,” through word or deed, can also be selfish in that a person is doing so to gain kudos with God and the Christian tribe. They can never love the unbeliever for who he or she is, but instead try to change them.

One of the reasons I left religion is because I realized I loved my own children more than I loved God. I knew that if someone threatened to kill my children unless I denied God, that I would deny God in a heartbeat and never feel bad about that decision. It was then I realized that PEOPLE were more important than personal beliefs about God and that I didn’t want to belong to any religion that said God had to be number 1 (pretty much all of them). I had a similar experience to the way I related to my husband in our marriage. There was always God, the third wheel, and I was told that keeping God close would enhance our marriage. It really didn’t. In fact, I realized I could be more open and honest with my husband when I didn’t feel the need to temper my speech through Christian-ese. Leaving Christianity has freed my heart, to love others, without the mediation God as a third wheel in human relationships.

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I encourage y'all to check out some of the other responses.